is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
