I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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