I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
