I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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