Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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