So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
