Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
In America we eat man semen.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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