i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
