Midget sex pt 2 tonight
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
