Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
