i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
