Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize