I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
