Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
