I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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