Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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