I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
