dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We are all done wearing pants today
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
