Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize