I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
