you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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