if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
