there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
