Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
