Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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