I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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