What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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