I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
