this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
