yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i think i have herpe
just one?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
