i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
