good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
