I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
