Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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