he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
