I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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