You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Randomize
