i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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