I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
