Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm really into asian looking animals
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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