how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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