he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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