Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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