Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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