I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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