hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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