I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
