i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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