i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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