they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
