the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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