My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
