if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
