I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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