maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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