just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize