I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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