remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize