I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
