it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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