i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
