would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
