My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
