There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
