Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
