Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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