I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
