You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
