i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
