we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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