I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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