i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you will always have a special place in my vag
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
